Lodgedodger I need to talk

[LodgeDodger]

May Mister rest in peace.

[Thames]

Sorry for your loss, Sumas.

[gazhekwe]

May Mister's journey be smooth and may he meet many friends.

[sumas]

I said in a previous thread that Mister would pick his day and time. He did. His name is Pat, he died on St Patricks Day. His epitaph on his Niche [[vault) is "Last Call' and damned if he didn't die about the time bars call out for last calls. Once upon a time he was a heavy drinker.

I have been running two threads this one I express emotions and the other thread is more financial oriented since we inherited everything he owns. Mister loved me very much and I loved him.

The problems with skunk relatives trying for grabbing items has started but I will leave that for the other thread.

The thing that has me spinning a bit is that it is awkward being his family but not "blood" family. His sister and I have a mutual acquaintance who was also a friend of Mister. He called with a not too subtle message telling me to butt out, I am not family.

I almost always time out so I will start a new addition to not lose these thoughts.

[sumas]

This dear sister as she has been referred to by the "friend" who called, hasn't invited Mister to Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving or other family functions for years and years. Every year, for those holidays we cook and deliver complete meals that will serve 12 appropriate to the holiday, other friends pitched in too.

His family were his friends. I am sure given the circumstances Lowell will allow me a few swear words. This bitch sister who lives in a near suburb would maybe visit him once a year, that was until she found out he was terminal. Now she and her daughter have become quite devoted. So shallow!

When Mister passed, the first call was to me, What did I do? I came made sure everything went smooth. Before I came, I told the nephew to call Hospice. I took charge and everything ran smooth. Mister made it easy because he was so organized. Everything was more or less pre planned. I just needed to execute all the steps.

Still need to make more calls tommorow, some things I can't do or close out, until until I get the death certificate. My mind spins but I have kept it together. Mister wanted me to have the house because he knows I can pull it all together.

Last week I sat with Mister and we settled all the bills, one is outstanding and there is enough money to cover that and a nephew withdrew some funds from checking.

I am trying to respect family and said take this money for incidental expenses that will come up. Then they sat in front of me discussing an expensive dinner that they plan on doing tommorow. I think I can kiss that $300 dollars goodbye.

I can cover those expenses but have never seen such an irresponsible group.

Apparently sister dearest is planning a wake but we are not invited. At first it really bothered me and then I thought, heck, the house is mine. His friends who are like close family and we, can conduct our own wake. I will fill the house with his real family, his friends.

I will miss him terribly.

[sumas]

It does appear that we will need to do a private wake with friends [[who are his real) family, I thought I would share my "prayer card" which will be printed by another close friend along with a photo in better days. It is a poem. I think it expresses the sublime. Rest in peace Mister.

Alfred Lord Tennyson [[1809-1892)

The Brook

I come from haunts of coot and hern,
I make a sudden sally
And sparkle out among the fern,
To bicker down a valley.

By thirty hills I hurry down,
Or slip between the ridges,
By twenty thorpes, a little town,
And half a hundred bridges.

Till last by Philip's farm I flow
To join the brimming river,

For men may come and men may go,
But I go on for ever.

I chatter over stony ways,
In little sharps and trebles,
I bubble into eddying bays,
I babble on the pebbles.

With many a curve my banks I fret
By many a field and fallow,
And many a fairy foreland set
With willow-weed and mallow.

I chatter, chatter, as I flow
To join the brimming river,

For men may come and men may go,
But I go on for ever.

I wind about, and in and out,
With here a blossom sailing,
And here and there a lusty trout,
And here and there a grayling,

And here and there a foamy flake
Upon me, as I travel
With many a silvery waterbreak
Above the golden gravel,

And draw them all along, and flow
To join the brimming river

For men may come and men may go,
But I go on for ever.

I steal by lawns and grassy plots,
I slide by hazel covers;
I move the sweet forget-me-nots
That grow for happy lovers.

I slip, I slide, I gloom, I glance,
Among my skimming swallows;
I make the netted sunbeam dance
Against my sandy shallows.

I murmur under moon and stars
In brambly wildernesses;
I linger by my shingly bars;
I loiter round my cresses;

And out again I curve and flow
To join the brimming river,

For men may come and men may go,
But I go on for ever.

[Lferg]

Beautiful poem.

[eriedearie]

Sorry for the loss of your good friend.

[Jimaz]

There's no denying we'll all take that path one day. Some of us won't have a sumas to guide our way. Consider their perspective too.

Thanks again for sharing, sumas. It really helps.

[reddog289]

Sorry bout your loss Sumas, Hopefully things will work out. God Bless You.

[sumas]

Day two: Needed nephew Jr to help locate documents. Got there, he was gone. Didn't accomplish much. Did tell nephew senior in no uncertain terms that they were not to give away or take any items. All the items were things were items I would have gifted except for three. One very close friend of Misters requested a small item for sentimental reasons and I get to the house, they had given it away already. Thats when I laid down the law.

Mister had a ring that was very special to him. I suggested it go a close friend of his and ours and the nephews agreed. Now I find out that they took the ring to the friend already. That made me madder. I wanted to give the ring to M at the Memorial service.

Day three starts and I wonder what's in store.

[sumas]

Here is another odd item. I was told Misters sister wanted to do the Memorial Service, which was fine with me. Got a call from a friend of Mister who was gifted a very expensive item in the deed transfer. He said he had talked to the sister and her daughter and that I should butt out of the family grieving process. I took that to mean they didn't want me at the service.

Imagine my surprise when the sister called to ask me to make all the arrangements. I assume it because she is cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap.

So I took care of that too.

[sumas]

The sister had four requests. that his cremains be present, it be held at the house, that a preacher be present and it will be a potluck.

I find out from the nephew that another nephew [[that Gates hasn't seen in thirty years is coming in) and he is a preacher. That is a no brainer, he can do the eulogy.

Here is what I have set up:

The service with be at the house on Palm Sunday @ 2:00 pm. The nephew will do the Eulogy [[I have a backup preacher, just in case) The Alter of sorts will be misters draped cremains, an Easter lily on either side, next two pillar candles, on a lower table in front will be the family Bible. It is a beautiful document and no doubt valuable. I bet the preacher is coming to demand I return it to the family. It stays with the house. When I pass on I will deed the bible to the grand daughter so it will eventually return to the family.

The short service will end with a pot luck assortment served buffet style in the dining room, if the weather is nice I will set up umbrella tables in the yard for smokers. If the weather isn't so nice there is a hugh front porch that is roofed that provides extra seating.

Monday a small group of us will witness his internment with a few words by the preacher.

We have arranged on a barter system to have prayer cards printed in exchange for some computer work.

Will also have Canadian Mist Whiskey on the table with shot glasses. When Mister was a hard drinking man that was his beverage. [[Nasty stuff) Otherwise BYB.

[Lferg]

Sounds perfect Sumas.

[Detwa]

Sumas, I'm so sorry for your loss. I've read you speak so kindly of your friend, he was very blessed to have you in his life.

[English]

Dear Sumas: I'm late to this thread, but I've caught up. I'm very sorry for your loss, but glad you had Mister for the time that you did. I'm also a Tennyson fan and use his poetry during times of grieving. You're in my thoughts.

[sumas]

My favorite poem by Tennyson is Ulysses. The classic line is "as though to breathe were life".

[jams]

Sorry for your loss Sumas, but you could not possibly know how much this thread has helped me sort through my fears and confusion as I have read it, but not reponded.

Today was a very difficult day, my sisters and I gave the order not to resuscitate or intervene Mom and will have our first meeting with our hospice group tomorrow morning.

Thank you all who have put out the information that has been so valuable to me in this difficult time.

[gazhekwe]

I am so sorry to hear about your mom, Jams.

[oldredfordette]

Jams, you are in my prayers and thoughts. LoveORF.

Sumas, I haven't read this thread in a while, so I didn't realize. Bless.

[jams]

Thank you, Mom has been very sick for a couple of months now.

I take some comfort that when I sit with her and hold her hand, she drifts off into a peaceful sleep, my sister says her usual sleep is very fitful.

It will be very painful to me to lose Mom, but to see her in so much pain is so much worse.

I hope there is a heaven, Mom deserves eternal bliss.

[eriedearie]

Oh Jams, I am so sorry to hear of your mother's condition. Please know that you and yours are in my prayers.

[stromberg2]

Sorry to hear about your mom, Jams. Bless you all.

Stromberg2

[LodgeDodger]

Sorry to hear about your Mom's illness. Remember, the more time spent with her, the better for the both of you. *hug*

[Blueidone]

Sorry to hear about your mom, Jams. We just lost Mr. Blue's father. He had congestive heart failure and spent his last week in my home under hospice care. They are such blessed people. It has been a tough few weeks, but he has gone to a better place and everyone is at peace with that. Loss of a loved one is never easy, but the hospice folks sure do help make the loss a little easier to bear.