When you see all the good Ford Field and Comerica Park have done for our fair city, I think it's time we turn to the one proven method for urban renewal in Detroit: stadiums. Under my plan, Detroit would be cut into a checkerboard pattern of districts, and sports teams would be allocated to each respective district according to need.

Of course, the first move would be to relocate the Red Wings and Pistons within the greater downtown area, which should fix most of the problems there. But after that, things get a bit stickier. However, by throwing tons of tax money around like it's going out of style, we should be able to attract various minor league and collegiate teams to various spots in the city.

Right now, you hit Gratiot and Grand Boulevard and you're like, what happened? But imagine if you turned the corner and there was a shiny Lansing/Detroit Lugnuts stadium right there on Forest. All the fun loving, rich visitors would demand restaurants and hotels and - BAM! - the area would be fixed. It's so simple I don't know why you idiots haven't figured it out yet.

An abandoned factory near Chicago and Schaefer? Why yes I'd like to catch a Detroit Titans game there! Delray? More like the new home of your Detroit City Football Club!

Let's get our acts together, folks.