Advice Wanted: Elderly Parent Moving In

**gazhekwe** · May-31-09, 06:04 PM

LOL, forget stairs for me. I had the dickens of a time with Mom in a regular wheel chair, just tipping her back to get over a threshold. Must be a trick to it. MIL will have to get up and let me put the chair up, then she can sit in it again. That does look like a great little chair, just the thing, if only she will agree to it.

**Lferg** · June-01-09, 06:46 AM

Thanks for the links to the travel chairs! My Grandparents live with my Mom, and although Gram doesn't like the idea of a wheelchair, she has opened up to it after a long trip with a layover in Atlanta where wheelchair assistance provided by the airline was very helpful. Maybe she'll like the idea of a travel chair so she can still get out and not have to walk so far.

gazhekwe - try turning the wheelchair around and taking her in backwards.

LodgeDodger · June-01-09, 07:15 AM

This tub transfer chair looks pretty handy. Anyone ever use one of these?

http://www.amazon.com/CSI-Donner-DN7...3858417&sr=8-2

**Detroit_uke** · June-01-09, 11:38 AM

Thanx for the update Lodge. You'll do just fine - so will Amazing husband man! Good luck to you.

**Maxine1958** · June-02-09, 05:35 PM

Originally Posted by LodgeDodger

This tub transfer chair looks pretty handy. Anyone ever use one of these?

http://www.amazon.com/CSI-Donner-DN7...3858417&sr=8-2

I'll add my two-cents to this thread too.

If your mother is at all ambulatory, a regular bath seat is much easier to deal with. With the transfer chair, you cannot close the shower curtain, so you will get quite a bit of water on the bathroom floor. Depending on the layout of your bathroom, this could cause more of an issue than it's worth.

The last few years of my mother's life, she 'reluctantly' agreed to get a bath seat after using one at the hospital during one of her numerous stays. I would help her get in the tub in her robe - modesty, you know. Then I could close the curtain, let her take the robe off and put it in my hand. Then she could shower privately with a hand-held shower wand. When she was ready, I would slip her robe back to her, let her put it on, and help her back out of the tub. Easy peasy.

Good luck to you and God bless you.

You will be grateful for this in the long run. I can almost guarantee that - from my own experience.

LodgeDodger · June-02-09, 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by Maxine1958

I'll add my two-cents to this thread too.

If your mother is at all ambulatory, a regular bath seat is much easier to deal with. With the transfer chair, you cannot close the shower curtain, so you will get quite a bit of water on the bathroom floor. Depending on the layout of your bathroom, this could cause more of an issue than it's worth.

The last few years of my mother's life, she 'reluctantly' agreed to get a bath seat after using one at the hospital during one of her numerous stays. I would help her get in the tub in her robe - modesty, you know. Then I could close the curtain, let her take the robe off and put it in my hand. Then she could shower privately with a hand-held shower wand. When she was ready, I would slip her robe back to her, let her put it on, and help her back out of the tub. Easy peasy.

Good luck to you and God bless you.

You will be grateful for this in the long run. I can almost guarantee that - from my own experience.

Oh, I never thought of that! Thanks so much, Maxine. Mom's really modest, too. So, I'll follow the steps you've used with your Mom.

I'm not sure how well I'll take care of Mom. I'm really worried about doing something incorrectly. Thank you for the encouragement.

**gazhekwe** · June-02-09, 09:04 PM

There is no by the book correct way, unfortunately. There will be some totally hairy moments. Once, when I was cutting my mom's fingernails, I cut her finger too. That was just horrible.

All you can do is the best you can do, and remember to put LOVE first. That really is what it's all about. The balance between who is the Mom here, and whose house is this anyway could cause a few rough spots, but you are ready for those. Best wishes to you all.

**grumpyoldlady** · June-07-09, 10:39 PM

I take it your mom is currently in the hospital or rehab facility. If so, does she seem to realize where she is? Sometimes older people tend to get what the nurse called "Relocation Dementia" when moved from their home, and think they are still at home or can't figure out where they are. So be prepared for possible problems along that line.

**Detroit_uke** · June-27-09, 08:53 PM

How's the mom situation sweety - you ok? Mom ok?

**Bobl** · June-27-09, 10:24 PM

Don't forget the little things. We kept our father in his own home after he became confined to a wheel chair and began the long good bye of Alzheimers.
One thing he liked was fresh sheets, dried on the clothes line outdoors. I surprised him one day, and it brought back memories of our late mother, who used to do this. He thanked me often for this.
The suggestion about the bath ritual, maintaining dignity, is important.
Also, talk! Get involved in real conversation. We learned things from dad that we had never heard before through one on one conversations. I miss him so much, but smile when recalling those conversations. Got to really know him, both as a dad and a wise hard working man those last couple of years.

LodgeDodger · June-28-09, 09:17 AM

Originally Posted by Detroit_uke

How's the mom situation sweety - you ok? Mom ok?

Thank you for asking. On Thursday, we had to bring in hospice. Mother was in terrible pain. Within hours, she was pain-free.

We're still readying things at our house. I've moved my vacation time, so I'm able to go there every couple of hours. [[I wanted to stay there full-time with her until her room is ready, but I think the quiet time is good for her.) She's still fighting the move, but I think she's just doing it to make a point--she knows she cannot stay alone. Actually, she really could move in today, but she's holding me to the "promised" July 5th date. Fine, whatever...I'm glad my time is free. I'm also so thankful for my husband.

I've noticed I'm beginning to become a bit possessive of her. I need to stop this behavior. Someone else giving her the meds will be just as effective as my doing this task. I'm working on this.

I've found I need to limit visitors. Not stop them from coming over, mind you. But limit the length of their stay and how many per day. I'm starting to tell those who call that she tires easily. If they wouldn't mind limiting their visits to 30 minutes, that would be great. My sister thought that was a bit rude, but I'm just worried about Mother.

Once she's in our house, I'll be able to sleep. I worry about her being there alone. Her room is almost finished. The day we move her will be a big relief for me.

**Detroit_uke** · June-28-09, 10:09 AM

Oh, Lodge! Here's a big hug for you. Sounds like you've got things under control. Being possessive is ok - you want what time is left together - but your mom belongs to alot of different people - siblings, grandchildren, her brothers and sisters, her friends....it's good that she has so many people in her life. It's good that she has you. Cry a little and laugh alot...or, I'll send my mom over..hehehe - then you'll have a reason to cry as they say!!!

LodgeDodger · June-28-09, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by Detroit_uke

Oh, Lodge! Here's a big hug for you. Sounds like you've got things under control. Being possessive is ok - you want what time is left together - but your mom belongs to alot of different people - siblings, grandchildren, her brothers and sisters, her friends....it's good that she has so many people in her life. It's good that she has you. Cry a little and laugh alot...or, I'll send my mom over..hehehe - then you'll have a reason to cry as they say!!!

Thank you for the good wishes.

I'm fine with whomever wishes to visit--I just don't want a Conga line of visitors stressing out Mother and interrupting her schedule. I think the best way to get through this is to keep to a schedule [[or to some semblance of a schedule). This is the key. All family is welcome, but we must worry about what is best for her.

I believe this is the best way to go.

**eriedearie** · June-28-09, 11:18 AM

Attachment 2079 - for you and your loved ones Dodger - from your Dyes family - we're thinking about you and hoping for the best.

**Jimaz** · June-28-09, 03:23 PM

On Thursday, we had to bring in hospice. Mother was in terrible pain. Within hours, she was pain-free.

How does that work, if you don't mind me asking? Are they able to prescribe medication? Do they make house calls? After hours?

We had a similar situation a few months ago that resulted in a disasterous emergency room visit. All's well now but waiting all night in triage is just not right. There was no problem paying for care. Apparently it was simply a shortage of staff. I believe heads have already rolled because of the incident.

Another option is http://www.visitingphysicians.com/. They make house calls but only during office hours.

LodgeDodger · June-28-09, 07:52 PM

Originally Posted by Jimaz

How does that work, if you don't mind me asking? Are they able to prescribe medication? Do they make house calls? After hours?

We had a similar situation a few months ago that resulted in a disasterous emergency room visit. All's well now but waiting all night in triage is just not right. There was no problem paying for care. Apparently it was simply a shortage of staff. I believe heads have already rolled because of the incident.

Another option is http://www.visitingphysicians.com/. They make house calls but only during office hours.

Jimaz, one hospice is notified, everything just falls into place! I called the hospice number [[888.HOM.5656). They contacted Mother's doctor and received the order for hospice. A short time later, I received a call from the hospice coordinator to set up a time for a visit. A short time after that, a nurse/social worker showed up.

Other than their kindness and compassion, they really know the way pain medications work and how to pair them with other medication for maximum benefit. I was suprised how many things are covered by Hospice. Mother has insurance, but things like hospital beds, shower chairs, gloves, and mattress pads are covered. Mother and I explained we didn't need them provided to us, but they wouldn't hear of it.

I was a hospice volunteer for years, but was never involved in the nuts and bolts of the operation. One time, a patient told me how wonderful it was his family didn't need to worry about paying for anything, but I thought it was due to the family's situation. At any rate, I'm still a little uncomfortable with having these things provided. In the future, if I do need to have more items ordered, I'll just pick them up. Afterall, $10 saved by Hospice is $10 that can be used for someone else.

Hospice will also provide home health aides if Mother needs assistance with personal care. To be honest, I can handle that without a problem. If it becomes too difficult, or if I feel I'm in over my head, I can ask for help. Volunteers [[which was what I used to do for Hospice) can do anything from reading to a patient, help straighten up the house, or just be there in order for the primary caregiver to get a break.

Hospice is there 24/7. I have a number to call when if something changes, or if I'm worried about Mother. This morning, she had a bit of a spell. I called Hospice and they were able to tell me what to do for her. If it warrants, a nurse will pay Mother a visit at any time.

It feels good to have Mother's pain managed. It's also wonderful knowing help is really just a phone call away.

Thank you, everyone. We're taking it a day at a time around here.

*hugs*

**Jimaz** · June-28-09, 09:39 PM

Thanks for responding, LodgeDodger.

Okay, Hospice's phone number is 888.HOM.5656. Do they have a web site? I understand that some hospice in Lapeer is deeply indebted to us. Maybe we can leverage that.

What we need is someone on call 24/7 who can prescribe and administer pain medication at home, ASAP, until 911 emergency room staff becomes available. Money is no object.

It's pretty sad that we have to plan around 911 failures but it has become evident that that has become the reality within our current health-care system.

**jcole** · June-28-09, 10:00 PM

Originally Posted by Jimaz

Thanks for responding, LodgeDodger.

Okay, Hospice's phone number is 888.HOM.5656. Do they have a web site? I understand that some hospice in Lapeer is deeply indebted to us. Maybe we can leverage that.

What we need is someone on call 24/7 who can prescribe and administer pain medication at home, ASAP, until 911 emergency room staff becomes available. Money is no object.

It's pretty sad that we have to plan around 911 failures but it has become evident that that has become the reality of our current health-care system.

Jimaz, the HOM in the phone number stands for Hospice of Michigan, and their web address is www.hom.org
My mom is in hospice up in Saginaw, and they are a Godsend. Even in the nursing home, they take care of things that the nursing home doesn't have the capacity to. Medication, airbeds, anything she needs to be comfortable. She is with Heartland Hospice of Bay City, which also has a branch in Lapeer

LodgeDodger · June-28-09, 10:16 PM

Originally Posted by Jimaz

Thanks for responding, LodgeDodger.

Okay, Hospice's phone number is 888.HOM.5656. Do they have a web site? I understand that some hospice in Lapeer is deeply indebted to us. Maybe we can leverage that.

What we need is someone on call 24/7 who can prescribe and administer pain medication at home, ASAP, until 911 emergency room staff becomes available. Money is no object.

It's pretty sad that we have to plan around 911 failures but it has become evident that that has become the reality within our current health-care system.

I'm not quite sure about your particular situation, Jimaz. But the premise of Hospice is end-of-life care. There are no hospitals with hospice, no 9-1-1. It is used for people who are dying.

**Jimaz** · June-28-09, 10:20 PM

Thank you so much jcole. That will be a big help.

**Jimaz** · June-28-09, 10:21 PM

I understand, LodgeDodger. Thanks.

**Maxine1958** · June-29-09, 06:10 PM

Hospice is a magic word - like Abracadabra!

When my mother was in her final weeks, it was Hospice that saved my sanity. What ever I wanted for her, I got and fast. For us the money was a problem, but I also would buy some supplies myself to save their budget.

The only thing in your messages that concerns me is that you feel you must 'control everything.' Believe me, I understand exactly how you feel. I think limiting the time and number of visitors is great. BUT Please let some one else 'sit with her' so you can have time to yourself. I didn't do that well at all, and in hindsight I realize that decreased how effectively I could care for my mother. I was simply too exhausted all the time. Mentally and physically exhausted and depleted. If I could, I would come and give you a big hug, you'll need lots of those.

You, your mother and your family are in my prayers. God Bless You.

Just a little P.S. here. My mother would have turned 91 this coming Friday. I miss you Mom, Happy Birthday.

LodgeDodger · June-30-09, 12:49 AM

Thanks, Maxine. Betterhalf is giving me plenty of hugs and is a big help.

I am trying to "let go" when it comes to Mother's care. Betterhalf gave me the talk about wearing myself out. No worries.

Found out today that hospice is a Medicare benefit--Medicaid, too!

**cman710** · June-30-09, 01:25 PM

Best of luck with everything. I had not read this thread before, and I know you must be going through a difficult time. You are in my thoughts.

LodgeDodger · July-02-09, 05:14 AM

Thank you, Cman.

Slept the night through last night, instead of sneaking into Mother's room to check on her every hour. I would like to personally thank the person who invented the baby monitor!