Quote Originally Posted by gazhekwe View Post
Anyone caring for elders, especially involving disputes with siblings, needs to keep track of relative expenses and services. I can't get how people thinking living with elders is such a gravy train. I guess they fondly remember the good old days before everyone left home, when Mom and Dad paid all the bills and kept everything going. You might like seeing an elder law attorney to discuss care contract. They can help you work out cost details and put them in writing for your parents and you to sign.

Once that is done, the other sibs will have nothing to fight you over. You will be asked to list all the things you pay for and take care of, and how much care is given to the elders. Housework is compensated at so much per hour, with consideration that of course, some of it you would naturally do anyway for the two of you. 24/7 availabilty is not cheap in the real world, and that can be figured in as well. And so on. Even if you do that yourself, listing your expenses related to them on one side, and theirs related to you on the other, and listing the services you perform for them, it will make it easier to figure out when push comes to shove. Good luck all of you, been there, done that.

We had my sister, who was jobless and homeless at the time, here and she helped with Mom a lot. We arranged for a care contract to compensate for her time and she was able to get some spending money that way. I could have done the same, but didn't see the need. I was happy to have my sister here to take a lot of the load.
Thank you for understanding my problem. We do loads of work and maybe should do more. It would be nice if the family really appreciated what we do. I do have a home we could move to and when I suggested we might leave, family went ballistic. They might have to do something.

I don't care about estate or money, I would just like a little respect for what we do.

We also have a person who is very close to us, in final stages of cancer who we try to care for. Spent Memorial Monday working on his house. His family sucks too! He is rich in people, unrelated people, who care. We share the burden. So nice, unlike my shitty family.

Sometimes it is the small things that set me off. My one sister keeps buying a Boston Fern for Mom for Mother's Day. Three years ago I asked her, please don't. I work as a gardener for a living. We don't have a good spot for it and it is a hugh pain trying to keep it alive. I think she does it to annoy me.

Good Lord, I sound petty. Think twice though, before you become a care giver. It is a thankless job.