Garwood Mansion

[rockinrona]

he is sksinny

[rockinrona]

Big fish are fun

[old guy]

Stop by, I've gotten the place fixed up a little.

[Bigb23]

That's the Russian mafia if I've ever seen it. Ivan Ovkosky I have your card. Welcome to the Ukraine mafia.

Attachment 302

[old guy]

I swear to God, it's my kid Lippy. He's a freshman. He is kind of a handfull.

[rockinrona]

bigb we could use og< son >for a crew, deck hand to pull in that big fish in 3 weeks, YA Baby Lippy, the sheep hearders need help too!!!

[old guy]

He's a nice kid. Plays 3rd chair french horn. Smells like a biscuit.

[Bigb23]

All head and no neck. Or all neck and no head, Sh*t, this is screwing me up. Damn, what is this thread about ?

Attachment 305

[Bentspur]

Hey Old Guy Your place does look nice. I have to work on mine now. Just going to take a while for me to figure out the paint and wallpaper. Maybe I should hire a decorator. I think I'm going with the log cabin theme.

[old guy]

Thanks. I thought about going that route. It would be cozy, but tacky was easy.

[rockinrona]

what's for dinner

[Bigb23]

Just for fun - all you slingers out there.

"I'd like to start this off by saying one thing: IF YOU DON'T LIKE GUITAR, IF YOU HAVE A FAMILY HISTORY OF CARDIAC INFIRMITY, OR IF YOU ARE IN ANY WAY OF A WEAK DISPOSITION, HIT THE BACK BUTTON RIGHT AWAY.

But who doesn't like guitar, right? I don't think you understand. Jimi Hendrix played guitar. Groucho Marx played guitar. I think Winston Churchill might have played guitar. What I play is something different.

Picture a Verdi opera: 3 hours of music, some of beautiful and ennobling, at times piquant and subtle, other times dramatic and inspiring. Take those three hours of music, those thousands of musical notes, and compress them into 4 measures of incomprehensible speed, delivered with earth-shaking finesse and a raucous disregard for any physiological limit to human auditory perception. I cannot stress this enough: I will play guitar so fast your face will melt.

The last girlfriend I had was dearer to me than anything that doesn't have steel strings and pickups. It's with a heavy heart that I must confess that she met a tragic demise. I sat her down to perform for her, as she had never heard me play. Within mere seconds of the furious and almost satanically fast deluge of musical notes, she burst into flames and was reduced to a smoldering pile of ash. I have grieved for 7 months, and now it is time to seek a hardier companion.

I seek a woman of no flimsy construction who can tolerate the cyclone of death that my guitar will unleash upon her. Think about the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the Holy Spirit [[or whatever the hell that poorly rendered gaseous conglomerate was supposed to be) ravaged the Nazis by melting their flesh from their mortal bones. This is what my guitar playing does, except there is only vapor left, no bones. I cannot stress this enough: I will play guitar so fast the Earth will be rent asunder and armies of hellions will spew forth to wreak havoc upon the human population.

I don't care if you are fat, thin, average, need attention, busty, or even whether you genetically qualify as a human being. All that I care about, the single thing that will hold my attention, is a woman who can listen to my terror-inspiring, WMD-unleashing, virgin-defiling, hell-bent-on-misanthropic-destruction tornado of picking and whammy bar stunts without dying immediately.

If you think you can witness the senseless and brutalizing destruction that is my guitar playing without being maimed, incinerated, mutilated, lacerated, or dismembered in any way, please send me an email and I will arrange a meeting.

Postscript: I think I'll have to have you sign documentation of release before we meet, however, as I am a wanted man in 48 states for assaulting an officer via sweep picking, and my guitar playing has been banned in Norway for causing several churches to burn to the ground. And yeah, I've never been to Norway."

[old guy]

Is that true Bigb?

[rockinrona]

what's for dinner

Wow I'm not even hungry now, I hope you don't sing in the church choir too? man alive where do you do this dirty deed?

[Bigb23]

Is that true Bigb?

I'm waiting for Stnfrnt.

[rockinrona]

This is small

[det313grrl]

Attachment 306
Whoa dude!

[rockinrona]

will it work this time

[Bentspur]

Kind of sounds like the movie Crossroads. Remember he played against the devil.
Ralph Macchio is Lightning Boy. A kid who can make a slide guitar sing. Blind Dog is an old pro who knows it. Together, they're headed to a place where deals are made. And legends are born. The guitar used by Macchio is a Fender Telecaster..

[Bigb23]

Does anybody get the joke ?

I seek a woman of no flimsy construction who can tolerate the cyclone of death that my guitar will unleash upon her.

[rockinrona]

Well I guess you never went to Norway?

[Bentspur]

Guitarist of megalomaniacal speed seeks audience who won't combust
Craigs list

[Bigb23]

Umm- I'm too short - 6'4 " 220 # too post. Shi*t.

[old guy]

So Bigb, did anybody hit the button?

[Bigb23]

"Picture a Verdi opera: 3 hours of music, some of beautiful and ennobling, at times piquant and subtle, other times dramatic and inspiring. Take those three hours of music, those thousands of musical notes, and compress them into 4 measures of incomprehensible speed, delivered with earth-shaking finesse and a raucous disregard for any physiological limit to human auditory perception. I cannot stress this enough: I will play guitar so fast your face will melt."

I like this guys take.