Apologies for my "Chicken Little" thread

**English** · March-24-10, 04:46 AM

I wanted to apologize to the forum for posting that thread on Friday night about my scare on the Detroit People Mover. DetroitYES is a space that gets lots of visitors from all over the world, and it was irresponsible. I've been stressed out of my mind lately, and using DYes to blow off some steam, but thanks to my bad judgment, a conversation that was best left to my nearest and dearest instead blew up into this thing with thousands of views. I never meant it to go that far, and I'm sorry that it did.

Also, I was childish and petty in some of my responses to that thread, and I'm sorry about that. I have been downright nasty to some of you in the past, often forgetting there are real people behind these pseudonyms. There is a way to disagree without being disagreeable or resorting to name-calling, and I will try very hard not to respond in kind in the future when someone else lashes out. I also regret any language that implied that the forum is racist and/or sexist. There are places like that all around the Web, and Lowell's Detroit haven is not one of them. I have the highest respect for Lowell and know he runs a tight ship. I'll do my very best to be a better citizen around these parts in the future.

Finally, I'll do far more to keep my personal business to myself going forward. You'll see a lot more discretion from me from this point on. I'll figure out where I'll live on my own, and will keep it to myself. No more anxious "where shall I LIVE OMG???" posts from me. I won't make a forum announcement every time there's some major milestone in my life. That's what my family and my friends are for. I also promise to be less dramatic and arrogant when I respond in threads. I'm not 15, I don't know everything, and everything in life is not a BFD. I certainly don't act like that offline, so I need to cool it here.

Time for me to put my big girl panties on and grow the ____ up. You'll see a new and improved English in the future. Thanks for listening. Peace.

**gazhekwe** · March-24-10, 07:12 AM

Good morning, English! That's quite a big girl pill there. I hope you are getting back in balance after your adventure. As far as where you are going to live, I love house hunting. Want some help?

**Pam** · March-24-10, 07:14 AM

No need to apologize. As far as obnoxious or overly personal posters, I wouldn't even put you in the top 100.

Take care and good luck with your move.

Ravine · March-24-10, 09:28 AM

Well, this ain't the first time for me saying this: I'm with Pam, on this one.
You don't have a goddam thing to apologize for. This is a [[somewhat) open forum, and folks post all kinds of stuff here, and if you think you were over-sharing personal stuff, you haven't been noticing some of the serialized grief exposure that has been going on, around here, lately.
Besides that, sometimes threads take on a length, and depth of discussion, not necessarily intended by the initiating poster. These things have a call-and-response quality [[by which I do not mean to imply anything about the quality of the responses or to draw any untoward comparisons to church, or to jazz.)
And, as always here on DY!, the thread took multiple exit-ramps into side-bar snarling matches and overly-clarified over-clarifications, and I certainly cannot make any snarky comments about that, because, on plenty of occasions, I have become engaged in some of those, myself-- sometimes with you, in fact, actually, yes, come to think of it.
In any case, while I don't think it was truly necessary [[given the factors I mentioned,) it was big of you to issue the above statement, and I'm not too sure that the English of a couple of years ago would have done so; now, I feel somewhat vindicated in regard to my belief-- one which I am working on cultivating, within myself-- that, despite my general conviction that folks don't really much change after about age 15, sometimes we hold people so firmly in the image we have of them that we become incapable of noticing that maybe, just maybe, they have changed, even if it's just a little bit.
I suppose that means I'm using you as a Test Case; I hope you don't mind.
Speaking of Who Minds What, I guess this means that a contingent of people who are sworn to heap scorn on you will now toss a few shovel-loads onto me.
Heh. Make my day, shitheads.

**English** · March-24-10, 10:16 AM

Pam, thanks and gazhekwe, I'll PM you sometime.

I'm not too sure that the English of a couple of years ago would have done so; now, I feel somewhat vindicated in regard to my belief-- one which I am working on cultivating, within myself-- that, despite my general conviction that folks don't really much change after about age 15, sometimes we hold people so firmly in the image we have of them that we become incapable of noticing that maybe, just maybe, they have changed, even if it's just a little bit.

But that's just it, Ravine. I guess I question whether or not we really can know people online from interactions on an Internet forum. There's a limit to how emotionally invested I can get in a poster who is typing in ALL CAPS [[screaming), or who makes a nasty personal jab behind a pseudonym. Unless I have some idea about the person behind the words, I feel that I would be misguided to have a real-world reaction.

It's very likely that I will run into some of the people whom I've sparred with. In a week, I'm not going to remember the details of who said what. There's a ton of stuff going on in my lifeworlds right now, and what I've shared with the forum's really the tip of the iceberg. But yep, I even regret sharing what I have. Can't take back what's out there, but I will certainly display a lot more reserve in the future.

I apologized because I need to change the way that I interact on these forums. Over the past 7 years, many when I didn't post a whole lot, I have seen posters come and go. A lot of the people whom I met in the fall of 2003 no longer post here, have moved out of town, or [[in the case of a couple) have sadly passed away. During that time period, I was going through a wave of deaths and a bad breakup, so the forum was cathartic. I met one of my best friends, soulsauce, here when she came up to me before a Detroit Synergy meeting and asked "Are you English?" This place holds lots of fond memories for me.

However, it's now a different place. Even Detroit is in a different place than it was in 2003, and trust me, I'm different as well. When I posted about whether or not to stay in Detroit and change careers, or to go to graduate school back in 2005, the forums were a place where I had that discussion and it was fine. I even met with a late forumer over coffee and chatted about what the next move should be, and got some really good advice [[thanks, itsJeff). It was REALLY poor judgment on my part not to realize that all my postings about some of the facts of my life, and the way I was responding from thread to thread, would engender resentment. So hell, in the future, I won't say anything, and no more off-the-cuff, 5 minutes between classes, postings. That isn't hard.

Ravine, I honestly don't remember the exchanges where we went back and forth in the past, or what they were about. When you posted about that a few weeks ago, I did take note -- I tried to recall what the argument was about, and I honestly couldn't. I really regret that our exchanges will always have that hanging over us. I've come to enjoy a lot of your posts, even when we're on different pages. Thanks for the vote of confidence.

**Jimaz** · March-24-10, 11:13 AM

I don't see anything wrong with discussing crimes or even potential crimes here. It's like a public service. Eye witness accounts are especially helpful.

**Detroitej72** · March-24-10, 12:57 PM

English, no need to apologies, period.

We all join this forum for different reasons. We all go through different phases of our lives, and our posts reflect that. Heck, I've run the gauntlet of situations and emotions here over the years as anyone who has conversed with me can attest.

Sometimes venting or seeking advise here can be therapeutic and helpfully, other times frustrating as hell. Don't take it personal, and don't let anyone's opinion cause you to leave the forum. It would be a loss, to be sure, of an intelligent poster.

Retroit · March-24-10, 01:04 PM

Can we have a ban on all apologies, please!

Since I presume that it was the comments by myself and "Michigan" that prompted this, I would like to clarify that I have no objection to you or anyone sharing personal stories and dilemmas. Of course, everyone should remember to be careful about posting personal information that could be misused by an internet predator, but I don't think you have shown that lack of judgment.

What is ironic about this, though, is that you are suspicious of others in real life, but yet you thought that everyone on the internet would be supportive and affirming. Why would you trust everyone on the internet when you can't even trust one guy on the People Mover?

**English** · March-24-10, 03:20 PM

Thanks Jimaz & Detroitej72. I did owe the forum an apology mainly because the Internet is forever and some people are looking for any excuse to denigrate Detroit. The one time that I got a little shaken up in the city in nearly 20 years didn't need any audience beyond my loved ones.

Retroit, likewise. We've had our disagreements but you're essential to DYes. I look forward to your posts.

Found this great post on the Chronicle of Higher Education boards. Here's a great description of the usual pattern of thread disintegration on an anonymous forum:

1. He should not have posted asking for validation and reassurance, as his request did not concern either children or cats or some sort of inexpensive but inconvenient life choice.

2. The response he received probably should not have been as sarcastic as it was. Indeed, some of it crossed the line into bullying.

3. Rather than flaming, he should have let it drop, and realized that he wasn't going to get validation and reassurance.

4. Rather than flaming his flaming, wiser souls should have realized that those who dish it out should be prepared to take it.

5. Rather than spiraling into idiocy, the entire thread should have been nuked from orbit.

That thread should have been nuked from orbit. As I dropped her off Friday night, I told my friend that I was part of this great Detroit forum, had been for years, and I'd post the incident and get their take on it. I expected some suggestions, some chiding, and some snark. I also expected the thread wouldn't get any new responses by the end of the day Saturday, and would drop down like 99% of the threads I've started have. Couldn't have predicted what happened. Glad that it did, though -- I'll never put myself out there like that again.

**East Detroit** · March-24-10, 03:50 PM

Originally Posted by English

It was REALLY poor judgment on my part not to realize that all my postings about some of the facts of my life, and the way I was responding from thread to thread, would engender resentment. So hell, in the future, I won't say anything...

Why go from one extreme to the other?

**English** · March-24-10, 04:00 PM

It was too much information, East Detroit, and it was really silly to spread my business all over the forum. I've gotten some helpful advice to STFU about anything personal here from this point forward, and I'm going to take it. That's not extreme; that's finally catching a clue.

EastSider · March-24-10, 05:39 PM

Originally Posted by English

It was too much information, East Detroit, and it was really silly to spread my business all over the forum. I've gotten some helpful advice to STFU about anything personal here from this point forward, and I'm going to take it. That's not extreme; that's finally catching a clue.

Just please don't start another thread about yourself if this one blows up, okay? Good.

**English** · March-24-10, 08:33 PM

Not taking the bait. You have yourself a nice evening, Eastsider.

**East Detroit** · March-25-10, 06:56 AM

Originally Posted by English

It was too much information, East Detroit, and it was really silly to spread my business all over the forum. I've gotten some helpful advice to STFU about anything personal here from this point forward, and I'm going to take it. That's not extreme; that's finally catching a clue.

My observation, FWIW, was that some took offense not to the level of information being shared, but rather the perceived manner or attitude behind the sharing.

**English** · March-25-10, 08:45 AM

^ Yep, which was also covered in my apology. I had no idea that I was coming across as arrogant, a b*tch, or an "uppity Negro," so I needed to make some amends and adjustments.

Nothing left to say, so I think I'll let this thread drop too.

Bearinabox · March-25-10, 08:48 AM

bump......

**Caseyc** · March-25-10, 09:22 AM

Wait. So what happened?!?! English got mugged on the People Mover? Is he ok?

Sorry all but I haven't been following all of this too closely.

**English** · March-25-10, 09:56 AM

Casey, I'm fine. I started a thread on Discuss Detroit after my bag almost got snatched, it turned nasty, I flamed back, and people brought up all their beef of many years. When it got out of hand, I chose to just squash it and apologize on Detroit Connections for the brouhaha.

I'll remain an active poster here, and continue to participate in conversations, but have chosen to do a 180 in the way I engage. I value this forum and plan to be an asset to it in the future, not another a**clown.

**Johnlodge** · March-25-10, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by Caseyc

Wait. So what happened?!?! English got mugged on the People Mover? Is he ok?

Sorry all but I haven't been following all of this too closely.

Casey, English is a female, she is a college student finishing her bachelor's and planning to move to Detroit to teach I think. Hopefully the incident won't affect her decision, crime happens everywhere.

**English** · March-25-10, 11:00 AM

^ Johnlodge, that describes me to a T... 11 years ago!

Bless you, though... sometimes I wish I could do it all over again. I miss the 1990s. Prince was a prophet.

"Two thousand zero zero, party's over, whoops, out of time...
Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1999..."

Sums up world history... and local history, too.

**Caseyc** · March-25-10, 11:27 AM

Thanks JohnL. My apologies English. I haven't been on the forum for a while so I don't know all the newcomers/arrivistes. Good luck with the teaching gig. Have you read the teach313 blog? Interesting read on teaching in DPS.

Michigan · March-25-10, 11:37 AM

Originally Posted by English

Casey, I'm fine. I started a thread on Discuss Detroit after my bag almost got snatched, it turned nasty, I flamed back, and people brought up all their beef of many years. When it got out of hand, I chose to just squash it and apologize on Detroit Connections for the brouhaha.

I'll remain an active poster here, and continue to participate in conversations, but have chosen to do a 180 in the way I engage. I value this forum and plan to be an asset to it in the future, not another a**clown.

Casey, I hesitate to post on this thread but, my username has been mentioned and something must be made clear. I did not hijack that thread or turn it nasty. I do not want to make this thread "nasty" either.

English reported how a young man on the DPM was just about to snatch her purse, but he didn't. English was quite upset, and many many posters joined her in her anguish. I quite simply pointed out that in fact nothing had happened that night on the DPM, therefore everyone was overreacting. The young man simply got off the train- he perpetrated no crime, he did not grab her handbag, he simply exited the DPM.

When I posted this, English began attacking me [[e.g. telling me to jump off a bridge, telling me to take my meds), and decrying the demographics of the posters on this board instead of addressing the fact at hand. What the sex, age, or race of the posters has to do with this discussion is not clear to me. English did not raise this as an issue when posters were agreeing with her or consoling her. She only did so when one poster dissented. That should be a cause for self-reflection. As my own posts are to me.

I support Detroit. Detroit has enough real crimes occuring that get covered on here and in the news. I did not, and do not, understand why this story, which is akin to the common and apochryphal "I was walking down the street and I was almost jumped by a group of thugs" stories that I have seen posted and for which the posters have been pilloried, was causing so much angst when the fact is nothing happened. These young ladies presume that something was going to happen, but they were wrong. I am sorry if this in anyway upsets or angers anyone, but I don't want people thinking that I go around attacking people.

**Det_ard** · March-25-10, 11:45 AM

Aren't you the one that called English an "uppity Negro"? That's going over the line and you should apologize for that Michigan. I don't think she's uppity or a bitch. A little arrogant, sometimes, but that come with the territory when you go to a great school like U-M and get your PhD in English. Not even arrogant as much as self-absorbed perhaps, but that's not uncommon amongst academics who are big thinkers. You know, the absent-minded professor type. I think we're fortunate to have an accomplished academic return to teach in the DPS.

**Johnlodge** · March-25-10, 12:03 PM

Woops, sorry about that English! I haven't been reading here much lately, so am apparently behind on current events!

I don't understand why Michigan feels the need to resort to racism. That's the problem with this region. Just because a strong, black, educated woman disagrees with you doesn't make her an "uppity" so-and-so. We are lucky to have her viewpoint on this forum, which, frankly, tends to lack a diverse perspective. For shame.