Lodgedodger I need to talk

**sumas** · December-15-09, 09:41 PM

You shared the heartbreak of losing a parent. My Mom, 90, has been diagnosed with brain cancer. My husband and I have been care takers. We thought we were dealing with rapid onset Alzheimers. I feel like I am dieing a little with each strange things she does. I hope we were there for you when you realized your mom was slipping away. Please post some small image or message of hope , obviously no one lives forever, but it is hard to deal. I just feel so sad.

**Pam** · December-15-09, 09:44 PM

Sorry to hear that Sumas. [[I'm also sorry to say that Lodgedodger supposedly got banned, so she may be unable to respond.)

**gazhekwe** · December-15-09, 09:47 PM

I am sorry you and your mother will have to deal with this. I lost my mother a couple years ago, and watching the slow decline was the hardest thing. She was not ready to go, but there was little anyone could do except keep her comfortable. I urge you to get in touch with a hospice service, they were invaluable in easing those last weeks, both for Mom and all of us.

**Jimaz** · December-15-09, 10:22 PM

sumas, accept credit for all that you do for her. Recognize how much better off she is having someone like you to care about her. Others are less fortunate--some have no care at all. You're a good person.

**Blueidone** · December-15-09, 11:03 PM

Sumas: I too am very sorry for your situation. I lost my mother about 10 years ago. It was a difficult time, but I knew she was going to a much better place. She suffered through a lot on her journey to get there. Now she is playing all the best golf courses with the wind in her hair and the sun shining down on her.

I agree with Gazhekwe. There is no better group to turn to than Hospice of Southeastern Michigan. They will ease your burden and help guide you through the process. Their services are for the family as well as the patient.

Try to enjoy your holidays...

**Pam** · December-16-09, 06:55 AM

I agree about contacting hospice. My family had a good experience with them also.

**sumas** · December-16-09, 07:15 AM

I thank everyone for such kind remarks. I am normally pretty upbeat and positive. Mom spent close to a week in the hospital, when the results came back it felt like a ton of bricks. It doesn't help we stand to lose two other close friends to cancer and heart disease. Like my husband says we need younger friends.

There was a thread not too long ago about Beaumont hospitals, I think they suck, just for the record. My mother is otherwise in great health. They had no advice for this scenerio. Made a follow up doctors appointment for Thursday and do not expect much from that doctor either.

Family doesn't really help either. They do not live with her like we do and really don't get it. It is an incredible heartbreak to see an amazing woman turn into a vegetable. She declined an invite to my brothers tree trimming event which she has attended for the past thirty years. She has always had a very full social calendar and doesn't want to attend anything now. Perhaps she is embracing death.

I appreciate info regarding hospice. Mom always wanted to die in her own home and I will do what I can to make that a reality.

Thanks for all your support.

**gnome** · December-16-09, 07:21 AM

I am sorry for you and your family Sumas, your Mom sounds like quite a lady.

**sumas** · December-16-09, 08:41 AM

I guess I am obtuse but how could Lodge Dodger be banned. Great lady, smart posts!

If she is banned I would consider it a travesty. CC is totally discusting. He is on everything and makes me nausuous. But he doesn't get banned?

If someone confirms she was banned I'll take my whinning elsewhere.

**Maof** · December-16-09, 08:53 AM

sumas - i will keep you in my thoughts also. mom also had cancer that eventually went to the brain and we buried her the day before thanksgiving seven years ago. i thank god my kids were little to keep me going but i miss her terribly. our hospice nurse was the most compassionate person...they are true angles. take care of your mom as i'm sure you will but, take care of yourself too.

**jcole** · December-16-09, 09:52 AM

Sumas, check your PMs

**cub** · December-16-09, 10:11 AM

Sumas,
I am so sorry to hear of this. My family will keep you and your family in our prayers.

Stosh · December-16-09, 11:14 AM

Sumas:

Understand that what she is going through is beyond her capability to change, and yours as well. Enjoy what time you have with her. Patience with her failings and working with a competent hospice program always is important.

I wish I could reccomend a good hospice program, the only one that I had any dealings with on a longer term basis was at Beaumont in RO. They were very good, in my opinion.

**Kathleen** · December-16-09, 12:16 PM

Sumas: So sorry to hear this news about your mother. It's hard enough to deal with the standard failing health of our elderly loved ones, but to have such a diagnosis on top of it is sad for sure. Will keep your mother and you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

**Jimaz** · December-16-09, 07:40 PM

Originally Posted by sumas

I appreciate info regarding hospice. Mom always wanted to die in her own home and I will do what I can to make that a reality.

Hospice of Michigan
Visiting Physicians makes house calls but unfortunately only during office hours. At least it's an option.

**DetroitTeacher** · December-17-09, 06:08 AM

Sumas: My prayers are with you and your family. It is hard losing someone. When my grandma was ill and there was nothing left to do, I contacted Angela Hospice [[on Newburgh Rd). They were wonderful. Even though my evil aunt decided to go with another hospice [[g-ma lived on the east side), Angela Hospice was there for me when I needed them. The support groups and family supports are wonderful. They even called to check on me [[even though G-ma wasn't a patient of theirs). I strongly recommend them!

If you need us or need to vent, we are here.

**agirlintheD** · December-17-09, 10:10 AM

Sumas, from your lips to God's ears. Please know that while some of us have no advice to offer, we are offering daily thoughts and prayers. God Bless You and your family.

LodgeDodger · December-17-09, 10:21 AM

I'm here, Sumas.

The first thing you need to do is contact Hospice of Michigan. I don't know what I would have done without them. They are there for you every step of the way. There were times I needed to call them at 2:00 AM--they were there for me and Mom. Promise me you'll call or fill out their Patient Care Services Form today.

http://www.hom.org/access.asp
888-HOM-5656

I know it's devastating for you to see the woman you know as "Mom" changing into someone you don't know. Even though my Mother's cause of death was congestive heart failure, the lack of oxyen to her brain caused my Mother to do some very strange and hurtful things. By the time my Mother slipped into her coma, her personality had changed her into someone very mean. My Mother, who was, during good times a difficult woman, took that personality trait out a new door. She would throw things at me, slap and punch me, spit, and make nasty comments. At first, it hurt, but I had to make myself realize it wasn't personal. She was ill, she was very unhappy, and [[most importantly) her brain wasn't functioning properly.

Tell me about your Mother's physical condition. How strong is she--is she able to walk?

I have much more to tell you, but it's important Hospice is contacted today. Ask your Mother's doctor to fill out an order for hospice care, if s/he hasn't already.

Give me an update, my dear.

I have a shower chair and number of other items available for your Mom's use if you're interested.

*hug*
ld

**stromberg2** · December-17-09, 02:52 PM

God bless, Sumas, my thoughts and prayers are with you. And welcome back, LD, you have been missed.

Stromberg2

**Django** · December-17-09, 03:12 PM

Woot Woot, Dodgers back.

Thanks Lowell.

**eriedearie** · December-17-09, 03:33 PM

Sumas I'll echo everyone else and say your mom, you and your family are in my prayers. This is a stressful time for you all and it's only going to get moreso. Take care of yourselves through this. Call Hospice as advised if you have not done so already. There are plenty of good and caring advice givers on this forum. They know what they're talking about.

Welcome back Dodger! We missed you.

LodgeDodger · December-18-09, 09:39 PM

Sumas, what's the latest? Is your Mom in hospice?

**Ray1936** · December-18-09, 10:09 PM

Originally Posted by Django

Woot Woot, Dodgers back.

Thanks Lowell.

Amen, Django.

LodgeDodger · December-18-09, 11:22 PM

You folks are just too good to me. I didn't even think anyone would notice I'd been away...

*hug*

**sumas** · December-19-09, 03:19 AM

LD, I knew you could not have been banned. Possibly the only person who is as nice and engaging on this board is eriedearie. So many nice people post here, I enjoy everyones [[almost everyone) wit and wisdom.

Mom is not at hospice stage yet. But I know it will get there so all advice and offers of help is welcome. I plan to sit down on Monday and make some calls based on advice given here. We are exfacto care takers for others too.

I usually read & post in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. Stress is starting to make me neurotic.