Aging

[grumpyoldlady]

In a couple of weeks, on July 30th, I will be 60 years old. All the other milestones..30, 40, 50...haven't bothered me at all. But 60 has me depressed beyond belief. I find myself looking around my home, and thinking about stuff I should be getting rid of so my son doesn't have to do it. Wondering if I will make it to 65 or 70 or beyond. When I think about buying some new clothes, I think to myself "Why waste the money...these will do until I die".

As you can tell, I'm really bummed about this. Is this normal? Anyone else have a tough time at 60 when other milestones passed easily?

[Atwater]

I'd like to chime in, even though I'm of a younger age-range. First of all, 60 years old is just not that old these days. Really.

Regarding getting rid of things- yes, cleaning up your home could be a great idea! But rather than do it with thoughts of some impending death in mind.. reminisce, and celebrate your various life experiences and accumulations. Enjoy your trips down memory lane, and smile about what you've done. "Relive" your great times as you organize your stuff.

Of course I don't know about your finances, but if you have some money to spare, then yes, absolutely, get yourself some new clothes! Buy clothes that you like, that fit well, that flatter you, and are maybe a little more up-to-date than things you already own. You're not dead yet- so live! [[and you may not "be dead yet" for a very long time to come..)

Your being "depressed beyond belief" doesn't sound "normal" in terms of being healthy- though I've read that people do sometimes feel this way as they get older, so I'm sure there are many others who feel as you do. However, I'd recommend talking to a professional if you have the means. There are surely ways to alleviate your depression, and you should embrace them.

Best of luck, and smile that you've made it to 60! Happy birthday; time to celebrate

[gibran]

Remember ...it's never to late to try something new...I have a 73 year old grad student that I teach and a 63 undergrad...60 is young if you keep in mind how much fun Kieth Richards is having ....seriously time not to rummage through the items we have accumulated..plenty of time for that down the road...time to find a new passion...also the people that love you don't mind the gray hair nor the number of candles on your cake...
each day is still greeted with a sunrise and an opportunity...happy birthday,,,

wisdom from Wayburn

[Pam]

Grumpy didn't you know "60 is the new 40"? It must be true, I saw it on TV and read it on the internet. Hope you feel better.

[Lorax]

The phenomenal singer Keely Smith is a personal friend, and recently turned 81 in March. Most official listings of her age have her four years younger, which is false, and was done to make the age difference between her and husband Louis Prima seem all the more scandalous [[he was born in 1910 and died in the late 70's).

My point is, that she really doesn't see herself as 81. I was with her on her 80th, and her 75th birthdays. She says she will continue singing until she's 90, and then will retire. But who knows? She keeps a schedule that would wear out women half her age.

She says "age is just a number" as long as you have your health. What I think is particularly telling for her, is her ability to keep up on current trends, technology, and is interested in everything and everybody. This may be her particular way of living life, but it certainly works for her. Her two daughters are supportive, and she travels with her 86 year old older brother, Piggy, who acts as her road manager. I see her perform around the country, and when she was honored at last year's Grammy Awards for being the first person to receive one 50 years before, she did a duet with Kid Rock seen by millions.

Really a trouper, and the kind of person anyone should aspire to emulate. Not to mention she's still making CD's and sounds terrific.

[Olddetroiter]

GOL... Unless you're in very poor health you can expect to live another 20-30 years. I doubt those old clothes will last that long [[although I admit I have some almost that old). I'm 68 and am healthier and feeling much better than I did in my 50s now that I'm away from the pressures of the business world. If you qualify for social security you can start collecting it in just two more years, although discounted. BTW my mother-in-law is 86, so don't go thinking 60 is old.

[Lferg]

If it makes you feel any better, My Grandmother will be 85 this year and buys herself new clothes all time. One of her greatest pleasures is finding a new sundress on the sale rack at her favorite store. She's one of the best dressed women I know and always looks beautiful, and my Grandfather still tells her that daily.

As for the "stuff" around the house, I have been going through boxes, tossing the junk and rescuing the treasures....such as the family prayer books from the 1880s, old pictures, etc. It amazes me that after so many years and all the moves I have been able to find so many items important to our family history. I'm very thankful they held on to so much.

This year is a big one for milestones in my own family. Both parents will turn 60, my Mother in Law will be 75, and then my Grandparents will be 85 Enjoy yourself, age is a state of mind!

[oladub]

Reflection is quite normal. I try to refrain from buying certain things that take up space for similar reasons. I believe in having good tools but recently bought a replacement drill that wasn't top of the line because I calculated that I wouldn't be using it more than 15 years. However, I like to keep a few fresh sets of clothes around and am considering replacing my eleven year old computer.

On the night I turned 40, I ran 7.1 miles which was about .8 miles further than I had run before. Attaining a new personal record completely eradicated thoughts of being over the hill. Non-physical accomplishments now provide a similar satisfaction since gravity keeps getting stronger as I get older. I know that because I can no longer jump as high.

I should be getting rid of stuff too. That is a really rational thought. I knew a self-taught sort of Hindu lady when I used to live in Santa Cruz. She claimed that Hinduism taught that when people were raising a family, they needed all sorts of material stuff to accomplish that end. However, once the kids left, there was no necessity to keep and have to maintain all the stuff. She presented that as a positive and as a liberation from stuff. The idea is that you don't get rid of stuff so much for your kids as you do it to liberate yourself from maintainance chores so you can move on to education, spiritual development, and other activities.

People ask me if I miss my job since retiring. I tell them that I don't miss my job any more than I miss not being in high school. My blood pressure went down 15 points when I retired. Besides, I have way too much other stuff to do - that I want to do.

[gazhekwe]

Grumpyoldlady, I think a down time is inevitable with some birthdays. I had the worst summer before my 35th birthday. I LOL thinking about that now.

I can tell you the tale of two siblings. One decided it would be fine if she died somewhere in her late 60s. She stopped doing anything at all except shopping. Getting new things in the mail made her days, but she did not get around much. She resisted all efforts to get her to take up any of the things that used to give her pleasure, and of course, she refused to discuss with a doctor, because she was being "rational." Health problems finally put her in bed at 84, and she succumbed to them after several months.

Her brother is 89, still playing the banjo. He has been active all his life. His walking is now limited to a mile at a time, but when he was here in the 90s, at 75 or so, he walked from the State Plaza Building to Belle Isle and back and then when we went home, he walked some more. When I called last night, he was out playing poker with the guys. He has some of the same heart problems his sister did, but seems to be keeping as active as he can. A couple of weeks ago, he was working in his basement on some noisy project, so he couldn't talk.

The lesson in these stories is this:

Do not stop living on account of the calendar. Each new day is a gift for you to open and make of it the best, most fun and most productive day you can.

Atwater is perfectly right. How great to get through all those memories you have in your house and celebrate and share them with others. Up side to that is maybe a little change in your pockets, smiles and joy from those who are lucky enough to share, and a much easier job closing up the house should you decide to chuck it all and move into an RV full time. In fact, I think it's such a great idea, I am going to join you. Starting today, and with this desk. Ring binders, file folders and shredder...Check! Let's get to work!

[eriedearie]

Grumpy didn't you know "60 is the new 40"? It must be true, I saw it on TV and read it on the internet. Hope you feel better.

Grumpy - Pam is right! 60 is the new 40 - embrace it. In 2 years you'll qualify for Social Security benefits. File for it 2 months before your 62nd birthday. Look forward to that day and look forward to receiving that check every month. I qualify to sign up for it in September and couldn't be happier! I'm the youngest one in my group of friends who are already getting it.

In the meantime take a gander at this -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRI2L6KOIu0

Your age is just a number. Don't fret it. And as for getting rid of stuff so your son won't have to do it - never mind that right now! A better thing you can do for your son, if you have not already done so - gather up your photograph books. Write on the back of each photo where it was taken, the time frame, and the names of the people shown in the photos. Your son will be thanking you for this in years to come.

Go to your local college and take a class in something that has always interested you. Stimulate your mind with learning new stuff. There's time to get rid of your accumulations through life; and if you don't get around to it...how many times did you have to pick up after your son?

Happy Birthday - and welcome to the 60s!

[grumpyoldlady]

I appreciate all the positive and encouraging messages. I'll tell you a bit more about myself...I can't believe I'm putting this out there for everyone to read.

I have been unable to work since 1990 due to a work injury, and am already receiving SS Disability. I am in pain all the time, even with meds. I have been on meds for depression for a couple of years, but this current depression is much deeper. My doctor has increased my meds, and I'm waiting to see if that will help.
My general health is fair, other than weighing twice what I should.

Buying clothes is NOT fun for me because of my size. I have to order from catalogs, and often things don't fit when I get them. I live in jeans and t-shirts. Due to my inability to exercise and move around very much, losing weight is very difficult.

The internet is the one constant in my life that I thoroughly enjoy. Occasional time with my grandchildren is one of the few times when I feel "up" and smiling.

Money is tight. Extended trips or vacations are out of the question. However, my husband and I are going to northern Minnesota for 2 days to go to the Vince Shutte Bear Sanctuary. I'm looking forward to seeing the bears coming out of the woods to the feeding stations. We will be standing on an elevated platform to view. This is NOT a fenced sanctuary, and there are about 80 bears that show up at different times. I love animals, and am really looking forward to this. I would love to travel out West, but can't afford it. It costs 42 bucks a day to board our 3 dogs, since we have nobody else to look after them.

OK...enough. I shouldn't be bothering you folks with my problems. Thanks for your support.

[Pam]

Grumpy- exercise helps depression. [[I know it helps my moods.) Maybe you could ask your Dr. or a physical therapist about what might be some exercise you could do that is less painful. [[Such as water aerobics.)
Good luck.

[gazhekwe]

Well, there are a lot of things to weigh you down, if you let them. On the other hand, what about figuring out a cheaper way to travel? You might be able to take the dogs, if they are well behaved. You won't be spending for expensive tourist attractions Get a pop up tent, some comfy sleeping mats and some nice comfy sleeping bags, a couple of chairs, a grill, and a cooler, maybe a portapotty. Don't forget spiral tiedown posts for the dogs. Or maybe scrape together some cash for a little towable tent trailer. You can get some good deals these days.

Hit US2 or US 24 for a wonderful, slow, vintage way to head west. I believe 2 will take you all the way from St. Ignace to Everett, WA and 24 goes from Clarkston to just west of Colorado Springs. US 20 goes to Newport, OR and you catch that just south of I-80. We found there were some free or very cheap campgrounds along the way on US2.

Here are a couple of sites with Free camping:

http://www.eugenecarsey.com/camp/default.htm

http://www.freecampground.com/

http://www.freecampingdirectory.com/

We have a little RV which makes things easier, especially with a dog, but lots of tenters have dogs with them, too.

[Blueidone]

GOL..I just passed my 60th birthday on July 8th. And like you, it hit me pretty hard. 40 and 50 didn't bother me at all...I kept telling myself I was getting better, not older....like a fine wine. But like you, I have some physical limitations now; can't walk as well as before, have back pain most of the time, knee is giving out...and I too am overweight.

I have gotten past the depression part now...it was just another day and I will continue to do the best that I can each and every day, no matter how little that is. I have taken up doing some crafts when I am feeling bad and can't get out much. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. Most of them I just give away as gifts, or use at the Georgia St. Garden to help raise money.

Participating at Georgia St. helps some too. If you can get out at all, and are in the area, please come and join us at some of the activities. The other thing that keeps me going is my grandkids. I am very close to them and I get a lot of pleasure in just talking to them and hearing their stories of their daily adventures.

Keep your chin up...this too shall pass...when you forget you just had a birthday, the depression will ease.

God Bless You and Keep You...

[grumpyoldlady]

Thanks AGAIN for all the support and suggestions. We have an RV, but it is large, and we no longer can afford the gas to go anyplace in it. We are trying to sell it so we can get something small..either a pull behind, or smaller Class C motorhome. Our dogs would drive everyone in the campground nuts with their barking at strangers, so taking them along is not an option.

I am too self conscious to go to a public pool for water exercises..I would feel like a huge whale among smaller whales and dolphins. I've been made fun of enough in my life about my weight. I try to do upper body exercises while sitting, but they don't help much with weight loss. They do get my heart pumping faster though, which is good.

I'm sure I will get through this age related depression in a few months. I don't understand why it is bothering me so much. Maybe because we live near a small town, and the there have been quite a few people in their 60's passing away lately. I'm not ready for that!

Thanks again. Please...end of discussion!

[Pam]

I am too self conscious to go to a public pool for water exercises..I would feel like a huge whale among smaller whales and dolphins

I would bet there is an exercise group out there for larger people since weight is such a common struggle. Good luck.

[gibran]

I wont repeat again ....but you are thought of... this forum exposes us to each other in many different ways,,,,but we all have a common thread ..it's the lessons learned in a great city and with great people shaping our lives..and what is amazing is that the values and lessons we learned in our neighborhoods are carried with us today..From our perspective from Carlton to where ever..we shopped at the same penny candy store and walked Morang...we dreamed of escaping only now to wish we were back in those simpler times...

Pain is real and is individual by the way...stress and feelings of loss compound it ..but also feelings of love and hope- help ... stay mentally alert and active, feel loved and communicate with your Doctors... Please don't be embarrassed to go swimming..it will be worth the initial anxiety..You are beautiful and I don't even know you...but I have seen your words...

[gazhekwe]

Exactly what Gibran says. Outward appearance tells you nothing, it is the smile and the eyes that shine the spirit out to the world. So smile and get in that pool!

As for dogs, mine is a barker, and I was given a collar that shuts her up. It emits a high pitched squeak when she barks, and somehow, she hates that. It isn't an electric shock, it's just a sound. There are some that make a noise and give them a squirt of citronella, which they hate, and then there are also the ones that emit a slight shock. The one I have was not expensive.

I just found an ultrasonic bark controller for under $50 that would work for all three dogs. You mount it outside if they are outside. In a campground, I bet it would work on surrounding dogs too. People supposedly can't hear it. Where there's a will, there's a way. It would surely give you a new lease on life to get out on the open road. It is my dream, if I can ever get hubby to give me any time. It isn't his dream though.

http://www.nextag.com/dog-bark-ultrasonic/products-html

[Ravine]

"OK...enough. I shouldn't be bothering you folks with my problems."

On the contrary, G.O.L.; why the hell not?
The citizens of DY!, myself included, think nothing of posting all manner of non-essential blatherings about items which, ultimately, are of no consequence whatsoever.
These days, in fact, it seems as though most of the Detroit side of the forum is immersed in a competition between folks trying to out-do each other for the Most In Love With And Actively Involved In Detroit award. The Non-Detroit side has always been weighted down with arguments between polar opposites who will never agree and who enjoy non-productive snarling matches.
Now, here you come, feeling terribly blue and just wanting to spit it out.
I barely even participate in this forum anymore. Everybody just seems to be taking themselves so seriously. It's wearisome, so I look around, maybe occasionally firing off an intemperate, egocentric post of my own, and move on.
Your post, however, touched something inside of me, and I want you to know that I sincerely wish for you to feel better, soon, and I urge you to not feel-- even for one minute-- self-conscious, or funny in any way, about logging your complaint.

I'm going through a rough period, myself. I mention that only because I have found that well-meaning people sometimes respond to my woes with remarks which do not help.
I bring that up because, sometimes, the entire business is kind of funny, and maybe I can use it to bring a smile to your face.

Sometimes, I want to tell folks: Enough with all of the axioms, "old saws," proverbs, and other miscellaneous Words To Live By which sound wise but provide no comfort. Folks hear this stuff, and some of them seem to not realize that not all of them are useful in universal, one-size-fits-all application.

"Just take one day at a time."
Yeah, thanks. That worked when I stopped drinking, because I had a goal in mind; I was trying to get from one place to another, and focussing on the breadth of the journey would never help me to Get There. But there are some situations where it doesn't work. You [[and all of the rest of us, of course,) for instance, will be one more damned day older, tomorrow; what good will it do you, to get through this day?

"Just try to roll with it."
Roll with what? I'm taking "it" from several sides, at the moment. How the hell can I "roll with" punches which are coming at unpredictable intervals, and from various sides? Besides, if I "roll with" some of them, the only goddam place I will be rolling is straight down-hill. Tanks fer nuttin'!

And my current favorite:
"This, too, shall pass."
No SHIT. I already knew that. I'm not too far from being your age, G.O.L., and the situation at my work-place is Going To Hell On A Sled. One of my co-workers, recently, whipped out that useless utterance of no value in a conversation with me. Before I knew it, here's what came flying out of my mouth:
"Yeah, but so will I, and I'm not sure which is most likely to pass first."

So, G.O.L., Here's To You, approaching a milestone which some will urge you to embrace even while the thought of its arrival causes you to want to scream and to slap somebody.

I'm not here to tell you to cheer up. I don't insult people by de-valuing their feelings. I save up my insults for people who I see as being full of shit, or for bullies who try to push their negligible weight around.

Instead of telling you to cheer up, I hope I cheered you up, a bit.

[Pam]

I'm going through a rough period, myself

Sorry to hear that. Check the video thread.

[ccbatson]

I met a 111 year old last week...the oldest person I have ever encountered. If there is some justice in life, it is this; if people reach advanced age, they no longer fear the end, they are at peace with the idea. To me, that is a comforting thought.

[ccbatson]

Ravine, are the rough times the result of purely personal items, or the state of affairs in the world around you?

[Ravine]

Cc, first of all, thanks for asking.

It's all about things going on in my personal universe. [[Of course, some of those things are adversely influenced by the external "state of affairs," truth to be told.)

But maybe that's one of the things tying G.O.L. & I together, in this case: Right at the moment, neither one of us likes being in the "place" where we "are," and with or without justification, the one thing we know for sure is that we resent being this displeased.

But don't worry: I never, EVER let "the state of affairs in the world around me" get under my skin. Bono of U2, I'm not.

Got to go to work. Will check back, later.

[ccbatson]

I have always found that an ambitious and confident outlook on life limits discontent to the extent that the objects of discontent are amenable to efforts to improve them.

[jams]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E9EXooqZBk

If you're nine or under, like Cc, you'll love this.