Advice Wanted: Elderly Parent Moving In

[sumas]

I think I will follow your advise and contact an attorney. It just makes sense. Recently Mom had Cds that she cashed out to give to her kids. I think my sister prompted this because if Mom ended up in a nursing home all her assets would be drained away.

We do contribute to household expenses. We also help maintain the house in many ways. Here is a typical day. We cut and edged the front yard. Went grocery shopping for our household and for our friend who is fighting cancer. Came home, put a corned beef brisket on low to cook. Went to our friends, cut his backyard which is hugh. Did his dishes and some laundry. Put a pot roast into the oven for him. Came home finished cooking dinner then cleaned up the kitchen. Mom still drives locally during the day so hubby backs her car into the garage to make it easy for her to leave. The list of what we do daily is so long and so boring I'll spare everyone the details.

It never occurred to me that my sister [[Mom's executor) might exact payment for the time we have lived here. Thanks for the heads up. Unfortunately it does sound like something she might do. Lately, Mom has started hiding valuables, I always report locations to my sister. When Mom dies, I only want one thing, an aquamarine ring she owns [[my birthstone) that she said she wanted me to have. I will just walk away and let the rest of the family squabble over assets.

Thank you Gaz for being such a nice and understanding sounding board for my issues. Sue

[gazhekwe]

You're welcome, Sumas. It is amazing the stories you hear about what the heirs will fight over, and how one person's treasure can become other people's dross. Heh, I still have this really ugly 1930s upholstered rocker that husband's mother forced on me as the relatives were cleaning out grandma and grandpa's place. No one wanted this thing. We hadn't taken anything and the mother-in-law was sure we were being slighted. I have this thing, it is so ugly and heavy you wouldn't believe it, and I can't get rid of it because it's grandpa's chair.

As far as Mom's assets being drained by a nursing home, that could happen. There are ways to preserve some of it though. An elder law attorney can fill you in on some of those things for the price of a consultation. Other siblings should probably attend that one, maybe after the one you make to discuss your issue.

Keeping a record of your expenses and services is important, especially as your mother becomes more dependent, hoping you will never need it.

[LodgeDodger]

You're welcome, Sumas. It is amazing the stories you hear about what the heirs will fight over, and how one person's treasure can become other people's dross. Heh, I still have this really ugly 1930s upholstered rocker that husband's mother forced on me as the relatives were cleaning out grandma and grandpa's place. No one wanted this thing. We hadn't taken anything and the mother-in-law was sure we were being slighted. I have this thing, it is so ugly and heavy you wouldn't believe it, and I can't get rid of it because it's grandpa's chair.

As far as Mom's assets being drained by a nursing home, that could happen. There are ways to preserve some of it though. An elder law attorney can fill you in on some of those things for the price of a consultation. Other siblings should probably attend that one, maybe after the one you make to discuss your issue.

Keeping a record of your expenses and services is important, especially as your mother becomes more dependent, hoping you will never need it.

Excuse me, but isn't that what the money is for? For a rainy day? If your folks need assistance and the money is there, by all means, use it. It might make a big difference in the quality of their life. A few hundred dollars a month might be the difference between so-so care and excellent care.

[gazhekwe]

Exactly. The difference is in what you can spend it on.

[Stosh]

I think I will follow your advise and contact an attorney. It just makes sense. Recently Mom had Cds that she cashed out to give to her kids. I think my sister prompted this because if Mom ended up in a nursing home all her assets would be drained away.

A lawyer would be a good idea. All her assets can be clawed back by the feds if the transfer was within the last 5 years. Giving away assets makes no difference.

[sumas]

Interesting advice from everyone. As far as I know my Mom has adequate resources if ever she should need nursing home care. As long as I am able, she will never see the inside of one however. I agree with Lodge, her money is her money and should be spent on her. If something is left over then that is great but not necessary to me.

My one [[of two ) sisters just seems to care about money. I don't mean to put her down too much, she is smart and highly successful. But I remember the old phrase, "You can't take it with you". How much more does she think she needs? Years ago when we were young, I borrowed a dime from her to make a phone call . She came back at me about a week later demanding her money. A dime for Petes sake! I gave her a dollar. I was a high school student at the time and I think minimum wages were $1.30 an hour.

I just want to thank everyone for letting me vent a little. I worry more about Mom' s wellness than her assets. Thanks again!