Husband abandons the home what should wife do

**exdetroiter** · September-02-09, 12:25 PM

My coworkers husband signed a lease on his new apartment, and purchased new furniture. Unbeknown to him, the place was next door to mind. When his wife found out, she said she was going to wait and see what he does, rather than file for divorce. Lastly, her husband has told her he is done paying the household bills. What would you do?

**gazhekwe** · September-02-09, 12:32 PM

File first. First one with the papers usually has the advantage.

**Blueidone** · September-02-09, 12:41 PM

She should file IMMEDIATELY...the judge will issue a "status quo" order which means nothing can change until the divorce is settled. He will have to continue to give her some of his pay. But the key is FILE NOW. Is this in Wayne County? In Michigan?

**PCE** · September-02-09, 12:44 PM

Are minor children involved?

**exdetroiter** · September-02-09, 01:01 PM

This is Wayne County, Michigan. There are no minor children of the marriage. She said she doesn't want to do anything because she has her hopes up that he will come back.

**Blueidone** · September-02-09, 01:07 PM

She can always drop the divorce...but she has to file to get a status quo order, which will require him to continue to support her in the meantime. If she does not file, she will have no recourse if he doesn't pay the bills.

**PCE** · September-02-09, 01:11 PM

Tough call. Maybe he will come back. It's probably OK to give it a little time. Marriage, as most married folks can attest, is tough at times. I don't think she is at risk by virtue that Michigan is both a no fault and a community property state. Maybe some advise from a family law attorney would be in order.
I wish the best for your friend.

**Blueidone** · September-02-09, 01:12 PM

Additionally...any bill they incurred while married is a joint bill, so the creditor can and will go after anyone to collect their money, including her. However, it will cost her to hire an attorney and draft the paperwork. Most of them want at least $1000 down, some even more. Depending on their separate incomes, he may end up having to pay some of it, but she will have to put up the initial payment. The key is, get an attorney NOW...get advice so she can protect herself. Tell her to look at it this way...as long as they are legally married, which they are, any bill he incurs from here forward is half hers, until they are divorced. If she doesn't have a court order, he can clean out his savings, 401K and anything else they may have and she will have a very difficult time getting anything back.

**exdetroiter** · September-02-09, 01:19 PM

Keep in mind he has signed a lease, so he is locked in for at least a year. He owns a very profitable business and makes about 50 times more than she does a year and he has been dating.

**Blueidone** · September-02-09, 01:18 PM

I disagree, PCE. I have helped my son through a divorce recently, and a very good female friend. My son left his wife. She filed for divorce first, and walked away with almost everything he had, including $450 a month in spousal support [[but she lied in court and got away with it).

My female friend's husband tried to file first, but she found out and got her paperwork in first. She cannot work due to physical disabilities. She got her attorney fees paid, half of his 401K, spousal support and much more.

I know that this is a no-fault state, but fault does come into play in the property settlement. That's why my son lost almost everything.

I have worked for attorneys, transcribed court proceedings and read many many depositions. My best advice is GET AN ATTORNEY NOW.

**CountrySquire** · September-02-09, 01:22 PM

Does wife want to keep the home or get out from underneath it and into a more affordable situation?

**exdetroiter** · September-02-09, 01:32 PM

Originally Posted by CountrySquire

Does wife want to keep the home or get out from underneath it and into a more affordable situation?

She wants to keep the home, although she knows she can afford it. I don't foresee him returning, either. I just can't phantom, what she thinks she will accomplish by taking no legal action whatsoever. I'm not sure if she is in shock, scared or just plan stupid.

**CountrySquire** · September-02-09, 01:58 PM

Originally Posted by exdetroiter

She wants to keep the home, although she knows she can afford it. I don't foresee him returning, either. I just can't phantom, what she thinks she will accomplish by taking no legal action whatsoever. I'm not sure if she is in shock, scared or just plan stupid.

The problem with putting the home through a divorce is the judgement could order the house sold, which in today's market could be a bad thing for her. True in the meantime hubby would be forced to help her out with the bills until that happens. Could she rent out rooms on roomates.com or something to help pay the note? Maybe he'll quit claim the house to her if he just wants to wash his hands of the marriage and have his girlfiriends.

**Blueidone** · September-02-09, 01:25 PM

In my experience, the chances he will ever come back are slim. And from a female standpoint [[which I am), why would you take back someone who has cheated on you to the point that he wanted some other place to meet other women? He would not have signed a one year lease if he wasn't serious about leaving.

If she can prove he has been cheating, she will end up in a pretty good position...that's what happened to my son. She needs to file right away!

**Blueidone** · September-02-09, 01:48 PM

And not only emotional and gut wrenching for the two parties...but their families as well, PCE. We went through all kinds of turmoil in my son's divorce, but we have grandchildren involved, so there was an added element.

There are two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in the middle. Protection is the issue at this point. I wish the best for your friend, Exdetroiter.

**gazhekwe** · September-02-09, 02:08 PM

See, he is still married. He cannot say he will no longer pay household bills. That's why she needs to file now to get that enforced. He still has to continue paying his portion of the marital expenses, children or no children.

**CountrySquire** · September-02-09, 02:20 PM

If I were the wife I'd tell hubby to attend marriage counseling with me. If he refuses, then let him know to expect the papers.

**gnome** · September-02-09, 02:37 PM

I think the real issue here is getting the young lady to stop listening to her heart.

She thinks things might just work out, that he is confused or that she might have forced him to leave through some unknown action. Maybe she isn't as fisky as he'd like, or she might not fit into the old wedding dress ... the mind can play all sorts of tricks in trying to rationale the irrational.

The issue is to try and get her to see the truth. That is a tough nut.

We don't know how close exdetroiter is with this lady. What kind of influence he might have. I fear if he tells her, " I chatted with an on-line forum with a bunch of strangers about your situation, and they said..." he's likely to get a frying pan to the forehead.

My advice is to stay out of other familys' issues. At most, try to encourage her to seek advice from someone she trusts. Beyond that ... its dangerland.

**EMG** · September-02-09, 02:53 PM

You don't say if this is a Christian couple or not, but as a Christian I will say that Biblically every reasonable attempt should be made to keep the marriage together. There is certainly a Biblical "exception clause" for the case of infidelity, but even then divorce is permitted, not required. And while there has been some speculation on the part of respondents, I don't see a clear statement by the original poster that infidelity actually occurred.

Here I most agree with CountrySquire's advice, "If I were the wife I'd tell hubby to attend marriage counseling with me. If he refuses, then let him know to expect the papers." Whether the immediate ultimatum is for counseling or something else on the path towards resolution, I would say that, Christian or not, she will feel better and more comfortable with herself in the long run if she has made every reasonable effort to save the marriage before going through with ending it.

On the other hand if this is indeed a case of "unrepentent infidelity" and it's clear hubby has no intention of changing, then she should certainly not be encouraged to go on in false hope.

**CountrySquire** · September-02-09, 03:36 PM

Yep, that's how I smoked my X wife out of hiding. She kept claiming she did not want the divorce, but curiously did not want to attend counseling with me or meet to discuss resolving our many issues. She just wanted to stay legally seperated with me on the hook for her financials.

**exdetroiter** · September-02-09, 03:56 PM

The extremely sad part about this, is her children have seen his new life [[unintentionally on anyone's behalf). He said they have tried counseling many times, but she just want correct the problem he has with her. Maybe, I'm to caught up in the reality of what I see, rather than the hope that she must be holding on to think he'll return. It seems to me once a person takes the big step to find a place, sign a contract [[getting lock in for a specific amount of time), setting up shop, turning their back on their commitment to you and God, most definitely starting new relationships, ITS OVER!

Am I seeing this in a pessimistic view or realistic view?

ccbatson · September-02-09, 03:58 PM

File for divorce now...the husband has sent a clear message that he is exiting, she needs to protect her interests sooner rather than later.

**Sstashmoo** · September-02-09, 05:20 PM

Whats the big deal? She should let him move out of he wants to, file for divorce. Why should he keep paying the bills where he isn't living? There are no minor children involved. How sexist of some of you to think that because she's a woman that he is somehow obligated to her. If it was her that left him or two gay men and one moved out would you be saying the same thing? Looks like it's time for her to get a job.

**gazhekwe** · September-02-09, 05:34 PM

It isn't because she is a woman, Ss. You are wearing your sexist blinders still. It is because they are legally married, and as such are obligated to each other legally. He has to continue his share of the payments while they are legally married, as does she.

He does have a choice, stay in the home and not pay double bills.

**Sstashmoo** · September-02-09, 05:56 PM

Quote: "t isn't because she is a woman, Ss. You are wearing your sexist blinders still."

No blinders. I know of several couples that have split up and when the woman leaves, they NEVER share in the expenses. Yeah right, they are going to stop by every month and drop off a check. Never going to happen.

It's just like when couples split up, the woman is always the default guardian and gets immediate custody of the minor children. That is sexist in and of itself. Where is it etched in stone that the mother is a better parent than the father? I know of several cases where the mother is clearly not the better parent. And most men can not afford the long lengthy legal fight to combat these unfair laws. Why is it the man's responsibility to retain counsel and pay for it to see that he even get's visitation in some cases? How is that a 50-50 situation?

Hey I'm all for equality, let's have it.

[[And women I date, wonder why I never wish to marry again, spare me)