ItsJeff Bench

[Gannon]

I'm with ya, Gnome.

Been staking it out for months now...we'll have to put on some reflective tape so that Homeland Insecurity FLIR truck doesn't bump into it, and some guards against the grass-cutting machine decks.

Some defensive little Django-stacks, perhaps?!

[Gannon]

So, progress report, of sorts...Lowell found the original vendor for the bench, and I've contacted them with a request for parts or replacement. Cost is higher than I expected, but these are more commercial than residential.

As soon as I get a reply, we'll get on with this Springtime project.

[Gannon]

Here is the bench, as of a month or so ago.

[gnome]

I was there last week and the bench is wrecked. Each leg is broken and the slats are either snapped, splintered or missing.

A complete redesign and rethinking is needed. To replace the bench to OEM specs is to ensure same results. For example, the back slats are splintery and soft and weak which means the original bench wasn't constructed for the harsh riverside conditions. If we replace with same materials we'll be guarentfuckingteed to be back there is five years doing the same thing.

I have some pics on my iPhone but can't figure out how to post them. I'll just send them to you this morning.

By my lights, the bench location needs a concrete pad to keep it safe. If that can't happen, then something with pavers or cobble stones is needed.

I dont know know who was on the original bench-building committee, maybe Lowell knows, but I think all interested parties need FSC to discuss.

[Gannon]

The city poured cement footers and bolted the provided bench into place.

The replacements all seem to use fake wood with much beefier legs. Both would improve the ability to weather the weather, but none seem to be the exact dimensions to take advantage of the city's previous work.

Still awaiting a reply from my inquiry to the website where the bench was originally procured.

FSC sounds like a really good idea. Grand Trunk or Park or Checker...I'm in.

[Gannon]

Well, it took a day of e-mail exchanges, but we've located the identical frame in the same color...and I'm waiting to hear if they can supply recycled plastic slats instead of the wooden ones, although there is no indication the failure of the existing ones is from anything other than the trauma induced by those reckless grass cutters.


Most of the newer choices from this vendor are a half-foot shorter, which would force a re-working of the footers...and the name of this old design is actually Renaissance, which resonates too much with the overall Spirit of this town to ignore.

Plus, they only have one full set in green in stock still, after all these years. Too many good omens to pass up the chance to simply update the original.


Cheers

[gnome]

Good work G.

I didnt know that there were concrete footings under that bench. I do doubt any mowers could do that kind of damage; I know Sumas was convinced the groundskeepers were demons direct from Nixon's Whitehouse and processed by a singular lust to destroy all she held holy, but she was also hammered most of the time too.

[gnome]

I just re-read this thread and realized you are behind the mower conspiracy which means you need to set down the 40 AND the bong.

[Gannon]

All evidence leads to that conclusion, it is not in error one whit...unless you've got data which helps prove otherwise.


Why attempt such weak character assassination on their behalf?! What have they ever done for you, huh?


All of the paint chipped...the impact strikes which destroyed the legs at the corners of this memorial...were at the same height as the cutting decks of the mowing machines.

The damage is both front and rear, basically eliminating heavy ice flows as culprit...plus, if they DID come as far ashore...the whole thing would've moved.


We're not looking for payback...I don't care about the money...but I do care about truth. This will be part of the public record of this memorial, and there is photographic proof of the progression of the destruction.


If any damage happens to the new one, however, you can be damn sure it won't go unpunished.


Cheers!

[gnome]

just messing around wit you.

i will help anyway I can.

if it true, we need to discover the "why" and create a plan to make sure it doesn't happen again.

if the mowers need to get so close to the bench in order to cut the grass, then we need to take the grass out of the equation.

[Gannon]

just messing around wit you.

i will help anyway I can.

if it true, we need to discover the "why" and create a plan to make sure it doesn't happen again.

if the mowers need to get so close to the bench in order to cut the grass, then we need to take the grass out of the equation.

Ya think the state will frown on land mines with a weight trigger of more than 250 pounds or so?!

I guess a gravel spread would discourage the grass.


I was walking the path with my honey one morning when we met a fellow who'd made another memorial to his father in the next clearing. Someone had dumped the carved stone into the river, yet he was as cheerful as a ten-year-old on Christmas. He made a more isolated place for it, in case it was dumped by someone more official than mere random vandals. Amazing guy...I wouldn't have been as peachy.


At least, it seems only a few canines have editorialized on Its' Stone.

Heard back from one source...and am checking the other west of Chicago. The latter seems a bit more reasonable, actually. We will have a new bench in place soon.


Cheers

[jcole]

Just remember, you're dealing with the state now, not the city

[gnome]

If the goal is to replace the bench and then protect it from ruffian mower gangs, how about surrounding the bench with frame made of 6 x 6 landscape timbers and then filling the interior with a bed of pea gravel?

Or pee gravel if we want to maintain proper solemnity.

[Johnnny5]

I'm still on board for helping out on this!


The legs on the bench are some type of cast metal, and most cast items are brittle [[At least the ones they make nowadays). You can basically shatter them by hitting it with a hammer [[Or a lawnmower). Honestly, the best route would probably be to replace it with a different style of bench that would hold up better over the long term.

Also, I'm still of the opinion that eliminating the grass underneath and around the bench would be the best way to prevent damage in the future. I spent enough years cutting grass to know that something like this is a PITA the for the maintenance guys. Yeah, they should be more careful, but after dodging and trimming 500+ acres of grass it's understandable why things like this happen. If the grass is gone then the mowing crew has no reason to get near it. Even if a concrete slab is out of the question, then the use of a long term vegetation killer would work. Rocks or timbers will just end up making the problem worse, as they still have to be trimmed around.