seeking advice about cremated remains

**Crystal** · September-02-11, 02:56 PM

My brothers and I are planning for the eventual death of our Mom. Mom is 80 and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease two years ago. Mom has other health problems that are complicated and exacerbated by the Alzheimer's.

Mom has consistently stated that she wishes her body to be cremated after death. Beyond that, Mom has not made any requests about arrangements after her death. To discuss the topic with Mom now is not possible because of Mom's cognitive deficits.

My brothers and I are opposed to the idea of strangers in a funeral home taking care of our Mom's body after she dies. We are also opposed to the idea of a visitation being held someplace other than in the familiar surroundings of Mom's home. Because of that, we are researching the possibilities of after death home care and home visitation.

What are the Michigan laws regarding disposal of cremated remains? Is it lawful to scatter ashes on land or over water? I cannot find any laws in MCL or elsewhere. I have a feeling I'm not looking in the right places.

Thank you!

**Trumpeteer** · September-02-11, 03:04 PM

Frankly as far as scattering her remains determine what place[[s) you think you and she would most appreciate and just do it. It's not anyones business but you and your family's.

**Maof** · September-02-11, 03:10 PM

http://www.cremationmichigan.com/about.html

this might help crystal.

**Crystal** · September-02-11, 04:44 PM

What might happen is that our family decides how and where to scatter the cremains. And then we just do it, as Trumpeteer suggests. But it would be good to have a definitive answer so we know how much stealth to employ and whether we should be looking over our shoulder.

**Maof** · September-02-11, 05:40 PM

http://queermeup.com/queer-tv/watch-...garlands-lawn/

seems joan rivers didn't give a rat's ass if anyone was looking over her shoulder.
i think you should do what you and your sibilings all want and agree on crystal.

**tponetom** · September-02-11, 06:48 PM

Crystal,
We have been members of the "Funeral Consumers Alliance of Southern Arizona for 15 years.
It is a national organization, with local branches in most of the 50 States.
Detroit Office: Funeral Consumers Information Society
P. O. Box 24054, 48224-4054
Detroit, MI.
[[313) 886-0998
[[or)
Ann Arbor, MI.: Memorial Advisory & Planning Society
2030 Chaucer Drive
48103
Ann Arbor, MI.
[[734) 665-9516

Call either one of them and I am sure they can answer any of your questions.
Briefly then, we pay ten dollars a person, annually for dues.
$ 760.00 for Direct Cremation or,
$ 1225.00 for a Direct Burial or $ $1665.00 for an Economical funeral

Vox · September-02-11, 06:55 PM

Originally Posted by Crystal

My brothers and I are planning for the eventual death of our Mom. Mom is 80 and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease two years ago. Mom has other health problems that are complicated and exacerbated by the Alzheimer's.

Mom has consistently stated that she wishes her body to be cremated after death. Beyond that, Mom has not made any requests about arrangements after her death. To discuss the topic with Mom now is not possible because of Mom's cognitive deficits.

My brothers and I are opposed to the idea of strangers in a funeral home taking care of our Mom's body after she dies. We are also opposed to the idea of a visitation being held someplace other than in the familiar surroundings of Mom's home. Because of that, we are researching the possibilities of after death home care and home visitation.

What are the Michigan laws regarding disposal of cremated remains? Is it lawful to scatter ashes on land or over water? I cannot find any laws in MCL or elsewhere. I have a feeling I'm not looking in the right places.

Thank you!

Read this first.
http://www.funeralinformationsociety...%20Updated.pdf

Follow their rules, and you should be fairly successful in what you seem to want.

In regard to the requirement for a funeral director to be involved [[as noted in the PDF) you may get that with this service below:
http://cremationmichigan.com/

Hopes this helps some.

**gazhekwe** · September-02-11, 09:16 PM

We had Harry J. Will handle the cremation for our Mom. They were most willing to work it any way we wanted. We were really happy with their arrangements. RE: what to do with the cremains, I have not been able to decide on a good spot. Our Mom wanted us to fly to Europe with her cremains and let her loose over there somewhere. We are not doing that, but what would be an acceptable way? A friend has suggested a really cool idea, to hire a boat and take her out in the Atlantic, toss in a nice wreath and pour her in there. I liked the sound of that, followed by a nice white wine, I think. That way, she could end up in Europe eventually.

**Bigb23** · September-03-11, 11:31 AM

My mother and father's ashes went over the cliff at Peterson Park by Northport, our ancestral home. Unfortunately, during a gentle rain, as I poured the remains down the cliff side, my mothers ashes blew back up the cliff, and covered my jacket. I still have it.

Hi mom.

**Detroit_uke** · September-03-11, 01:13 PM

My hubby's ashes are here at home. The funeral home picked up the body at the house and arranged the cremation. We had a friend that was petrified when his dad died. Was afraid they wouldn't actually get the right body. He was allowed to watch as they put the body in....but I think he may have had connections.
Crystal, once your mom dies...her house isn't her home anymore. It's hard to say goodbye. We didn't want the whole viewing thing.....Immediate cremation and a Memorial Service 2 weeks after.

**Mikeg** · September-03-11, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by Detroit_uke

......We had a friend that was petrified when his dad died. Was afraid they wouldn't actually get the right body.....

Prior to cremation, the crematorium attaches a metal tag to the body that contains the name of the crematorium and an ID number that is traceable by them to the deceased.

Therefore, if you intend to scatter the remains, it's highly recommended that you first remove the metal tag from the urn to prevent it from being found by a stranger. You'd be surprised at how many people dump the entire contents without realizing that they have left a piece of evidence behind.

I have a such tag that was found on the banks of the Virgin River in Zion National Park.

**Detroit_uke** · September-03-11, 03:02 PM

We had to go back to the funeral home the next day to re-identify and they had to make sure we didn't change our minds....I think that was a legality.

**Pam** · September-03-11, 05:46 PM

You could buy a niche for her urn somewhere. Legal and no blowback. I also think it's nice to have a place to go to pay respects and leave flowers. If you are worried about cremains being misplaced, in my experience they give them to you and allow you to place them in the niche yourself. Then they seal it up.

**Django** · September-03-11, 11:37 PM

I like the fact that Patti Smith has some of her friend Robert Mapelthorps ashes in a container on her mantle. Mathelthorps mother gave her some as I understand. for safekeeping.

I think that is the sweetest.

**Gistok** · September-04-11, 12:16 AM

I've got both of my parents ashes at home.... in a curio hidden behind their golden anniversary picture.

Crystal, we had the local funeral home take care of the cremation/urn/ashes... both parents wanted no viewing, only a memorial service at a later date. So we got the ashes soon after they passed.... and I'll have to ask my sister... but the total cost may have been under $1000.

My father initially wanted his ashes spread in Germany in a forest... but we told him that German law actually prohibited that... all Germans MUST be buried... whether cremated or interred. So bringing ashes to Europe is not a good idea.

**Crystal** · September-29-11, 06:17 PM

Mom died last Wednesday at our home.

I will let my DetroitYES family know when we've set the time and location for a memorial service.

After caring for Mom ourselves for so many years, my brothers and I were not in favor of a funeral home taking Mom after she died. With the help of home funeral guides, I took care of Mom's body and prepared it for a home funeral.

Many visitors seemed apprehensive as they considered Mom lying in her bedroom in our home. After a while, though, most visitors seemed comfortable and commented that a home funeral seemed natural and fitting. After the home funeral, a funeral director picked up Mom's body for cremation.

We are very grateful to Merilynne, Sierra, and Laura of After Death Home Care for guiding us through this difficult transition.

**Ray1936** · September-29-11, 08:13 PM

Condolences, Crystal. Your mom obviously raised a fine, caring family. I know well how she will be missed.

**Maof** · September-29-11, 09:33 PM

crystal, sorry to hear of your mom's passing. hope you and your family are all doing well.

**Pam** · September-30-11, 05:35 AM

Condolences on your loss.

**Detroit_uke** · September-30-11, 08:59 AM

Sorry for your loss, Crystal. You did what your mom asked of you. There's going to be alot to do now. If you need anything let me know. all the places that I had to go and notify after my husband died in February - I remember. You're a good daughter. God Bless!

**gazhekwe** · September-30-11, 10:45 AM

Condolences on your loss, and thank you for sharing how you handled the home funeral. That used to be the norm in our community and seemed completely normal at the time. People would come and go, food would be brought and shared, and the wake went on all night. There were no funeral homes nearby. Nowadays and hereabouts, things are so different. It was good to hear that you were able to pull off an old time at home funeral.

**Trumpeteer** · September-30-11, 11:30 AM

So sorry for your loss. That was an appropriate way to "let your mom go" by having respects paid in her own surroundings.

**Crystal** · October-27-11, 11:04 AM

After a month I've finally finished Mom's obituary

http://tinyurl.com/3w38ggy

**Kathleen** · October-27-11, 11:12 AM

Crystal and family: Your mama was a sweet lady!! Thank you for sharing her with the DYes gang at our picnic these last few years. She was lucky to have such caring family around her. My condolences to you all.